Wabi Sabi through the Holidays

Photo by Nikola Jelenkovic on Unsplash

Some people can’t wait for the holiday season — for them it truly is the most wonderful time of the year. For others it’s a time of dread and just something to get through. But in whichever camp you fall there’s no better time to put into practice the Japanese philosophy of Wabi Sabi, roughly translated as the art of acceptance and finding beauty in imperfection.

It seems during this time in particular we demand so much of ourselves, wanting everything to be perfect, that we can’t help but set ourselves up for disappointment. As a one-time pastry chef, I have to remember that even if the chocolate soufflé falls, it will still taste just as good.

But truly, one of my best and most memorable holidays was spent years ago with a group of friends.

The woman that was hosting had unfortunately broken her back in late October but she still wanted to host, so her husband had agreed to do the cooking. When we all sat down at the table and he began to carve the turkey, it was not only raw inside but the cavity was void of any savory bread stuffing and instead was still filled with the plastic bag containing all of the turkey organs.

After his wife apologized profusely and the color returned to her skin, we all broke out laughing, that belly aching kind of laughter that ends in tears and then we made a call for Chinese take-out.

The holiday, though not all that traditional, was nothing if not memorable. The food was good, the wine flowed, the company divine, and the store-bought pumpkin pies that our host placed right on the table in their plastic containers along with the normally looked down upon Cool Whip, was absolutely delicious.

Expectations around the holidays run high and so do emotions.

We want everything to be perfect. We want everyone happy, the food cooked to perfection, and the table setting beautiful enough to rival one in Martha Stewart Living magazine.

So what’s the solution? How can we adopt a Wabi Sabi attitude? First, recognize that the stress of the holidays affects everyone, even small children. You can’t expect everyone to be on their best behavior all of the time. Know ahead of time that this is an emotional time, filled with excitement, joy, and at times, unhappiness. Try to keep your schedule as open and flexible as possible. Go ahead and skip your weekly book club or piano lesson. This alone takes a lot of the pressure off and will give you more time and a feeling of ease throughout the holidays.

Don’t assume all of the responsibility. If we do this, not only will we not enjoy the holidays, but we will end up exhausted and depressed when guests finally come, or shortly thereafter. So this year, enlist the help of your family. Divide up the activities evenly or do them all together. Make it fun, not a chore to be done.

Another problem is that we put too much emphasis on gift giving. If you feel you must buy gifts for every relative, teacher, hairdresser, neighbor, and the mailman, you are setting yourself up for a very stressful holiday season. Try to simplify this year. Give something of yourself — something that you love to do and that you are good at. Bake cookies, make scarves, give gift certificates for pet sitting, plant–watering, childcare for an evening, or help with clutter clearing. These all make wonderful gifts. Do set a budget, make a list and be realistic about what you can afford to spend.

Of course, for many people the holidays can be a time of sadness or depression. This is unavoidable if we have lost loved ones or have memories associated with Christmas that are not favorable. But this year make a ritual of honoring those who have passed and spend a small amount of time giving in to those feelings. It’s okay. What actually causes us the most stress is that we feel we cannot feel this way. This year celebrate your ancestors. Americans usually hide them away because most of us feel so awkward about death. If you are missing friends or family, try to remember happy times and share them with others.

It’s always important that we stay healthy, but it’s especially important at this time when our bodies can easily get run down. If you have a holiday party in the evening, make sure you eat a nutritious breakfast and light lunch and limit your alcohol intake. For every cocktail or glass of wine you have, drink at least 8 oz. of water in between. You’ll thank yourself in the morning!

Treat yourself to a bath with lavender, pine, rose, or tangerine to help you relax and calm down. Do this before bedtime to help with a good night’s sleep.

Remember to BREATHE.

Deeply. Start each morning out sitting still, eyes closed, breathing. Do this for only a couple of minutes, if that is all you can spare. End each night doing the same thing.

A good Feng Shui remedy is to take an orange and cut 9 small round circles out of the peel. Citrus is known to lift our energy and help with stress and anxiety. Place them in a baggie and take along with you when you are out shopping or out in a crowd. Inhale when you are feeling tired and fatigued. This will invigorate you to keep you going a little longer! Or, you can also bathe in orange peels at the end of the day if you need to regain energy.

Most importantly, keep your sense of humor, relax, release your expectations– and enjoy the holidays!

Your Next Chapter

I hate my job. I don't deserve to be loved. My life is boring. I can't lose weight. I'm not good enough.

Certain things we say to ourselves and accept as the absolute truth. We carry these beliefs or attitudes with us into each new day and they become a part of our make-up.

We have heard these things enough (whether we've said them to ourselves or they’ve been said to us by others) to not question them anymore. But we should question them. We should question everything. This is our life, our very own, and it is our choice how we want to live it and who we want to be.  

Have you ever wanted to write a book? Well, you already are. You are the author of your life. Like a book, some chapters are extraordinary and others leave something to be desired. If you don’t like how your story is unfolding you have the power to change and write a remarkable next chapter. What parts of your life would you like to change? What things do you want to do? What really matters to you?

Many of us spend much of our time dwelling on the past, what we did wrong or how we were wronged. Instead of looking at our past with kindness, knowing that every day is a learning experience, we beat ourselves up for bad choices we’ve made and certain actions that we’ve taken, always entertaining the “why’s and what if’s.” Our power comes with the control we have over today.

Look at your life up to this point. Who are you as a person? What do you value? What do you want to do with the rest of your life? When someone tells your story, how would you like it to read? Now is the time to do some more character development and start a new chapter.

But how? If you find yourself using your past as an excuse for why you can’t get ahead in life, you need to make peace with it. Love that person (you) and all she has been through. Be gentle, be a best friend. Give her a little motherly bird push and a big mama bear hug. Forgive. Now move on. (Yes, I know I’ve simplified this, but you can actually go back and rewrite your past. If you're interested and not sure how to start, contact me for information.)


Give yourself a powerful voice. Don’t be afraid to be heard. If you don’t speak your truth you won’t be able to communicate the essence of your soul, which is who you really are. And if you are speaking with a voice that isn’t your own, you will always feel less than, unauthentic and have a disconnect with your own self. 

In your story, surround yourself with notable characters. Just like in a great novel, fill your pages with people who make you feel more alive. People who help you grow, inspire, motivate, and cause you to think and look at things in new ways. Look at the people you now surround yourself with. Are they happy, optimistic, enthusiastic, adventurous, supportive, fun? Make sure the people in your life are the types of characters that you want in your story.

There are lots of ways to take control and live the life that you truly want to live. In my practice as a Wellness Coach and Feng Shui Practitioner, I help women reach their full potential by examining all the different life areas, setting goals and designing a personalized road map for them to get there. The first thing you need to do is decide what kind of life you want to live.

So, don’t forget ~ you are the author and main character of this book ~ make it a best seller.