I'm not goin' all chia seed porridge on you ~

I’ve always admired athletic people. The ones that I see riding their bikes up the steep mountain grade or the loyal followers of yoga, with mats rolled up under their arms, entering the studio for their 6:00 am class. Not being able to make simple commitments has always been one of my biggest challenges. I don’t know exactly why, but I’m working on finding out. It just seems that the minute I make one, I feel like my freedom has been snatched away and now there is one more rule to follow. And this is even when the commitments are good for me.

The funny thing is that I am finding that most of the people I am health coaching are the same way. Maybe for different reasons, but many of us seem to have an aversion to too much regulation, too many “shoulds” ~ even the good stuff.

So instead of asking or telling you that you need to get up and get in a 30- minute workout, give up your coffee, and eat chia seed porridge (which by the way, I actually love) I’m going to give you something much simpler to start out your day. And yes, it is a bit of a commitment, but one so simple that you just might find yourself wanting to do it on a regular basis!

Begin with a good stretch
 ~ take a cue from your cat or dog.  Notice how they wake up. With a stretch ~ and it feels so good. Spend a couple of minutes stretching. This, you can even do while still in bed.

Now, get up. Follow this with a few “holding up the sky” stretches. Reach as high as you can with both arms, keeping your hands flat as though you are holding up a tray. Hold the stretch for a count of 10, then let your arms and head hang down toward the floor.  Repeat this a few times. And now, maybe a few, "touching the earth" ~ gently bend forward reaching for your toes (or maybe your knees). Do those a few times and then finish up with some waist twists, letting your arms swing.

If you’re anything like me, you are anxiously heading to the kitchen to turn on the coffee pot about now.  So, while you’re waiting for the annoying buzzer to let you know that the coffee is done, you can take a seat and sit with your eyes slightly open (which shouldn’t be hard, since you just woke up!) Sit on the chair with your back straight, feet flat on the ground, and hands in your lap. Take a few deep breaths and wish the world well—whomever and whatever enters your mind at this time, simply think, I wish you well.

Continue to breathe quietly and deeply, paying attention to your breath. If you find yourself worrying or grouchy about something just tell yourself, It’s OK and go back to breathing.  A great morning mantra is “My life is amazing. Thank you, *God.” (*universe, world, whatever works for you.) I say this several times a day, and especially when I'm feeling the opposite! It kind of brings me back into a more grateful state. 

Giving thanks helps set the tone for the rest of the day. You can always find something to be thankful for upon waking. This should be fairly easy. There are a few obvious choices here: you woke up, you have a chair to sit in, and maybe even a delicious cup of coffee/tea/lemon water. Finish this morning practice off with another few deep cleansing breaths.

This way of starting each day can loosen up the knots in both our physical and mental bodies. These simple, feel good baby steps can often turn into big leaps, and who knows, you might just find yourself enrolling in a yoga class soon or joining a bike team, or hey, maybe even able to touch your toes. Sounds crazy, but one never knows. 

The G Word

I’ve been talking, ok, maybe preaching, about the importance of practicing gratitude and keeping a gratitude journal for years. But I’m gonna come clean, I haven’t been keeping one on a regular basis either. I have a hard time doing anything over and over - except, strangely enough, I manage to keep my daily commitment to morning coffee. Hmmm . . .

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

I always think of myself as being grateful, of paying attention, practicing mindfulness and staying aware of how blessed my life is. But in reality, when I stopped journaling months ago I have since noticed that my life feels a bit less grounded, I have more cynicism, more anger, and at times feelings of hopelessness. The negative shows up on the big screen for me.

So back to my journal. And I only ask myself to come up with three things a day (actually I do it at night, right before bed.) Three things are easy to come up with, there’s no fishing, no going through my daily memory bank for things to write down.  But just these few things seem to be enough to switch my frame of mind. To remind myself of the beauty, the blessings, and the ease of my life compared to so many others in the world. I once again find myself appreciative of the smallest things. Things like some half and half in the refrigerator for my coffee, for the refrigerator itself, and for electricity to keep the refrigerator going! Things that normally are not given enough appreciation.

So truly, if you are better at routine than me, or even if you’re not, start a gratitude journal. Three little things a day - you can do it - it really only takes a few minutes. Not that much of a commitment but you will definitely notice the changes in your mindset, your mood, and your overall well-being. Keeping a gratitude journal forces you (in a gentle way) to look for the good. 

And that, my friend, can’t be bad.

In Defense of the Quitter

Sometimes it isn’t quitting at all, it’s simply letting go

“You’re going to let her quit?” You can’t do that, she’ll be a quitter for the rest of her life.”

She was four years old. She wanted to take ballet (or perhaps it was me that wanted her to take ballet?) Hard to remember, it was so long ago.

But she tried it. She didn’t like it. 

She went to several dance lessons and then of course, it was time for the “show everyone how much we’ve learned” recital. She wanted no part of it. She tossed her point shoes and leotard in the trash, and told me flat out “no,” she wasn’t going. (Yes, she was and is headstrong! A fire tiger in Chinese Astrology. And girl fire tigers, as we’ve been told are known to be “disobedient”)

So I let her quit. I figured, she doesn’t like it. Why waste our time, my money, and this was really about her, not me. But one of the other mothers in the league of pink slipper ballet mothers couldn’t quite believe it when I announced that my daughter wouldn’t be a part of the recital, and in fact, wouldn’t be coming back to ballet at all.

“She owes it the rest of the girls. She made a commitment.” Well, obviously she and I had a difference of opinion on what commitment meant and what commitment had been made.

People love to tell you not to give up. Not to be a quitter. 

But what is it about quitting that strikes such a dissonant chord within us? You get labeled a loser, a flake, or irresponsible. But how do you know when you’re being a quitter, or just adopting the Wabi Sabi mantra of “let it go.”

Is life really all about accomplishments and finish lines? Or can life be more of a meandering garden path that stops us in our tracks at every different flower, every shady tree, every creek side bridge? We are allowed to change our minds, change our hearts, and change direction, are we not?

As a person who has many interests and has tried many things, people tend to not take you seriously. We are born into this world with the rules already in place, they’ve been established for a long, long, time and we need to abide by them. At least until we become aware enough, or independent enough (some would call it stubborn enough) to realize that not every societal rule need apply to our life. 

I understand the fear people have around quitting a job, a marriage, or dropping out of school in your final semester, and the pressure from others that can accompany it. But if we listen to our heart, our soul, and drown out the voices of all those rule makers, we will know exactly what we need to quit. And one of the first things on the list would be to quit letting those other voices shout louder than our own.

But, for as many things in our life that we should nurture and hang on to, there are just as many that we need to quit. 

And some of those things we need to quit doing right now.

• Quit putting pressure on ourselves to make everyone else happy
• Quit wasting so much time on social media
• Quit saying you’re sorry for things you don’t need to be sorry about
• Quit planning for a rainy day and go enjoy the sunny one
• Quit waiting for the right time to start (it doesn’t exist)
• Quit feeling as if we’re just not good enough (most everyone else feels that on some level, too)
• Quit hanging out with people who drain our energy and bring nothing positive to the table
• Quit waiting for life to be perfect. (Hint: It isn’t — and never will be)
• Quit working at a job that you hate (go drive for Uber or Lyft till you find something else)
• Quit thinking someone else is going to save you
• Quit thinking that if you just had more, a new purchase or acquisition, then life would be good
• Quit thinking you don’t already have everything you need to be happy

So go ahead and quit. Quit every little thing that doesn’t add to your growth, your good health, your happiness and your peace of mind. You’re not a quitter, you’re just letting that shit go. 

(Oh, and on a side note, my 4-year-old daughter who is now 30 is one of the most committed people I’ve ever met — never gives up and goes after what she wants. So, that theory, once a quitter, always a quitter, doesn’t hold water in my book!)