The Numbers Game

As far as numbers go, when it comes to our age there are only so many “good ones” according to society, and society has dictated that they are all in the first quarter of our life!!! Imagine that. The only ages that are made out to be exciting are 13, 16, 21, and maybe 25 so you can lower your insurance premiums if you’re a guy. And then? It’s all downhill from there. 

So what do those numbers really signify? I guess it would be a type of freedom- considered a grown up, to be taken seriously, to be valued, to be considered old enough to get behind the wheel of a car, to drink alcohol, or to have a few years of experience under your belt. 

So now that we are older (with lots of experience) we should view each year with just as much excitement and anticipation of opportunity than ever before. We have acquired all the freedom we need, and we acquired it long ago.  Nothing to stand in our way.

But it is such a double-edged sword - we feel blessed that we get to live a long life and yet cursed that we are getting older. Something has to give here and I believe it’s our old attitude that insists we identify with a number. From our Driver’s license (and the usually hideous picture that does along with it) every application or health form we fill out, to the candles on the birthday cake-we are constantly being reminded of that benchmark - it is all about identifying us with a number.

We’ve been conditioned to believe we should look, feel, and act according to the number on our birth certificate. Imagine for a minute if you didn’t know how many years you’ve been on the planet, you have no idea. Would that maybe change the way you think about your life today or the things you want to do tomorrow? Do you think some roadblocks would be lifted? I do. 

But of course I am very well aware of my age, as I am my changing face, body, and attitude, but what I don’t know for a fact is how long I will be here on the planet. So age is actually irrelevant. It really only matters if you know the end date. That’s when you truly know how “old” you are.

wabisabiwomen.com

Damn you, weather!

We want everything to be perfect.

Right now I'm waiting to go to the airport to catch a flight up to Portland. My grandson who is only 8 months old, is having surgery tomorrow and I want to be there! But they are having ice and snow storms in the Pacific Northwest and over 100 fights have been canceled as I sit here. Waiting. Wondering. Am I going to make it up there tonight? And if I do, will there will an Uber driver that is willing to risk his life to come and pick me up? I shiver just thinking about it. (It's a balmy 65 degrees today here in Santa Barbara.)

I already had a panicky reaction when I heard this news. I started to wrack my brain as to how I could get up there tomorrow before the scheduled surgery time of 4:00 pm. I have to be there! I instantly started feeling like an inadequate grandmother, a mother who would be letting her daughter down. A failure in a sense. But I took in a few deep breaths, calmed myself, and remembered a saying I had heard before - "beating ourselves up only gives us bruises."

It's hard when things don't go our way. When roadblocks (such as weather) show up and interfere with our plans. These things are out of our control and yet we still believe deep down that we are in control of our lives. And we are in control of quite a bit of it. But more so we get to control the way we feel or react to things that happen in our lives, not the actual happening.

So I will keep checking my flight status, hopeful but without expectation. I'm not even going to make a Plan B or think about it until, and if, I see that the flight has been canceled. I will trust that I am exactly where I need to be - and will somehow be in Portland by this time tomorrow.