The Numbers Game

As far as numbers go, when it comes to our age there are only so many “good ones” according to society, and society has dictated that they are all in the first quarter of our life!!! Imagine that. The only ages that are made out to be exciting are 13, 16, 21, and maybe 25 so you can lower your insurance premiums if you’re a guy. And then? It’s all downhill from there. 

So what do those numbers really signify? I guess it would be a type of freedom- considered a grown up, to be taken seriously, to be valued, to be considered old enough to get behind the wheel of a car, to drink alcohol, or to have a few years of experience under your belt. 

So now that we are older (with lots of experience) we should view each year with just as much excitement and anticipation of opportunity than ever before. We have acquired all the freedom we need, and we acquired it long ago.  Nothing to stand in our way.

But it is such a double-edged sword - we feel blessed that we get to live a long life and yet cursed that we are getting older. Something has to give here and I believe it’s our old attitude that insists we identify with a number. From our Driver’s license (and the usually hideous picture that does along with it) every application or health form we fill out, to the candles on the birthday cake-we are constantly being reminded of that benchmark - it is all about identifying us with a number.

We’ve been conditioned to believe we should look, feel, and act according to the number on our birth certificate. Imagine for a minute if you didn’t know how many years you’ve been on the planet, you have no idea. Would that maybe change the way you think about your life today or the things you want to do tomorrow? Do you think some roadblocks would be lifted? I do. 

But of course I am very well aware of my age, as I am my changing face, body, and attitude, but what I don’t know for a fact is how long I will be here on the planet. So age is actually irrelevant. It really only matters if you know the end date. That’s when you truly know how “old” you are.

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The Best Years

I’m turning 62 this year. I remember not all that long ago when I heard people say things, like, “life starts at 50” or “the best is yet to come” I thought, Well, that all depends. How bad or mediocre was your life before? I always had a feeling this was somebody's idea of trying to cheer us on so that we would make it to the finish line.

But now I'm realizing that there is some truth behind this best years sentiment. It isn’t that there is more excitement, better sex, wild parties, booming career opportunities or lots of firsts to do or tell; it's because we finally get to be authentically, genuinely, ourselves.We don’t need to give a damn if we don’t give a damn. We no longer need to hide behind the facade of being perfect. Or of being effortlessly beautiful, or agreeable, or worrying if people like us. We can let our guard down and relax a little. Or like in the movie, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, we can finally exhale. 

By this time we should know who we are. No apologies necessary. We know what we like and what we don’t like. What we’ll live with and what we’ll live without. We have our tribe. We know our comfort zone and our boundaries. We may choose to leave them on occasion, but we at least know where they are.

Every age comes with its difficulties. If I look back, I’d have to say my teen years were probably some of the hardest. Or maybe it was my late 20s. There were struggles in my 30s, while 50 found me going through a divorce after 13 years of marriage. I was living alone in a small apartment with the one cat I never really bonded with, my daughter was off at college and my self-esteem and vitality were at an all-time low. Yeah, every life has its struggles, and they present themselves at every age. 

  

Even if we find ourselves with more challenges, such as physical limitations, or maybe we have become divorced, widowed, out of a job, or faced with an illness, if we’ve made it this far we have a fairly strong sense of survival. We’ve all experienced the good and the bad, the yin and the yang, and we know that what goes up, must come down. Whether we like it or not. Nothing lasts forever.

I’m not really sure if there are “best years” - I think just being lucky enough to have years makes them all pretty great. Different, but great. While some things definitely become a little harder with age, there are so many things that become easier. For example:

• I can make peace with my hair and forget about trying to find the perfect hairstyle (I've had the same one for the last 40 years, obviously, I'm not gonna change)
• I can quit thinking that one day I'll wear floral print dresses to garden parties instead of my jeans and black t-shirt  (I've actually accepted that I have always had a "didn't think I was going to get out of the car" kind of style)
• And, I no longer have to beat myself up for not running a marathon or making an attempt to climb Mt. Everest (I've felt the pressure before that these are types of things that I should want to do, but now I can say, I honestly have no desire to and never did)

And that's ok. I finally know and accept who I am. And it only took me about 60 years to do so.