The Best Years

I’m turning 62 this year. I remember not all that long ago when I heard people say things, like, “life starts at 50” or “the best is yet to come” I thought, Well, that all depends. How bad or mediocre was your life before? I always had a feeling this was somebody's idea of trying to cheer us on so that we would make it to the finish line.

But now I'm realizing that there is some truth behind this best years sentiment. It isn’t that there is more excitement, better sex, wild parties, booming career opportunities or lots of firsts to do or tell; it's because we finally get to be authentically, genuinely, ourselves.We don’t need to give a damn if we don’t give a damn. We no longer need to hide behind the facade of being perfect. Or of being effortlessly beautiful, or agreeable, or worrying if people like us. We can let our guard down and relax a little. Or like in the movie, How Stella Got Her Groove Back, we can finally exhale. 

By this time we should know who we are. No apologies necessary. We know what we like and what we don’t like. What we’ll live with and what we’ll live without. We have our tribe. We know our comfort zone and our boundaries. We may choose to leave them on occasion, but we at least know where they are.

Every age comes with its difficulties. If I look back, I’d have to say my teen years were probably some of the hardest. Or maybe it was my late 20s. There were struggles in my 30s, while 50 found me going through a divorce after 13 years of marriage. I was living alone in a small apartment with the one cat I never really bonded with, my daughter was off at college and my self-esteem and vitality were at an all-time low. Yeah, every life has its struggles, and they present themselves at every age. 

  

Even if we find ourselves with more challenges, such as physical limitations, or maybe we have become divorced, widowed, out of a job, or faced with an illness, if we’ve made it this far we have a fairly strong sense of survival. We’ve all experienced the good and the bad, the yin and the yang, and we know that what goes up, must come down. Whether we like it or not. Nothing lasts forever.

I’m not really sure if there are “best years” - I think just being lucky enough to have years makes them all pretty great. Different, but great. While some things definitely become a little harder with age, there are so many things that become easier. For example:

• I can make peace with my hair and forget about trying to find the perfect hairstyle (I've had the same one for the last 40 years, obviously, I'm not gonna change)
• I can quit thinking that one day I'll wear floral print dresses to garden parties instead of my jeans and black t-shirt  (I've actually accepted that I have always had a "didn't think I was going to get out of the car" kind of style)
• And, I no longer have to beat myself up for not running a marathon or making an attempt to climb Mt. Everest (I've felt the pressure before that these are types of things that I should want to do, but now I can say, I honestly have no desire to and never did)

And that's ok. I finally know and accept who I am. And it only took me about 60 years to do so.

BREATHE IN LOVE

Quoting Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Buddhist monk, “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

We all know that this isn’t the easiest of assignments. But, the way we feel about ourselves affects every other decision we make and determines the quality of our relationships, our work, our today's and tomorrows.

Feeling worthy and lovable requires us to see ourselves with fresh eyes - those of acceptance, love, and respect.  And these things can only come from within. But convincing ourselves of that doesn’t always come easy and is an ongoing process.

There are many ways in which we can begin to change our story, to view ourselves through a different lens. But we must take baby steps because if we are handed too big of a to-do-list, we can become overwhelmed and not do anything at all. So I thought instead of making one of those big lists (which I truly love to do, I’m a list gal) I’d give you one thing to try - this simple breathing technique which helps to fill us with love and release our negative thoughts and emotions. This is called the Inhale/Exhale Method, which I learned while attending The BTB Masters Training Program back in the 90’s to become a certified Feng Shui Practitioner.

1. Before you even get out of the bed in the morning and before you drift off to sleep at night, remind yourself that you are worthy and do this simple breathing technique.

METHOD:

1.  Inhale a long breath (through the nose)

2. Exhale through the mouth

3.  On the inhale, visualize clean, white, loving energy filling your body.

4.  On the exhale, visualize any negative thoughts and feelings leaving your body (you can visualize this breath as gray, turning to black on the last and longest breath of the exhale.

5. Repeat this nine times.

When you are done, envision yourself loved and surrounded by a warm bright light.

I hope you enjoy this. Next week I’ll send you another simple technique that you can add to your repertoire :)