Banking on that Hollywood Happy Ending


Sometimes loss can be overwhelming. There are many different degrees of loss, from losing your favorite ring, job, pet, or loved one. There is no way around it. We are humans, and in the end we lose everything. Every single thing. Unless of course, you believe there is an afterlife and you will be in a better place that will have everything you ever need or ever loved. You will be reunited with all of your old pets, your family, old spouses (hmm, I'm still trying to figure out which one will want to see me, and what if he remarried, will this be some type of communal living heaven? I'm guessing so) and even that old garnet ring that you loved so much will be there. An optimist, a believer, or a dreamer, would believe that we lose nothing, that all things are returned to us in time.

But here I go again on this love thing. Damn this love thing. This human need to be needed. To be loved. You barely get through one relationship when you start to seek out the next. All living things have that innate desire to be with others who care for them, that comfort them, that have a genuine interest in them. To be able to come home to that someone. To have them notice if you are 3 hours late. To actually worry when you don't call.

There's nothing more exhilarating than that feeling that comes from infatuation, from falling in like, then falling in love. You look different, you radiate a loving positive energy that people pick up on. All of a sudden everyone wants you, everyone wants to be around you. You can't do any wrong. You just won the lotto, the beauty pageant, American Idol, whatever rocks your world, it is now rockin'. But when you have lost love many times, there is also an underlying fear that accompanies that great high. What if it goes away?

I'm still damaged from a past relationship, this I know. I tried hard to heal, to get over it, to put a time limit on my suffering. I forced the square peg into the round hole. Most of it fit. There were definitely gaps on all sides. I still cry at certain songs, certain memories. I lost everything in that relationship. I had already lost my home, my pets, several friends from my prior divorce. But this one took the cake. Again, I lost my home, my job, and even my town, but the biggest loss was losing myself. To deny that it was devastating would be foolish, and a lie. Wearing pride as a mask is one of my few (ok, maybe many) flaws that I have. I hate to admit defeat. It comes from a long line of competitiveness in my family. We do not fail.  We do not hang our heads and play the victim. I had been playing the victim.

Then I saw the movie "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.” The movie is set in jewel-colored India, so of course, I am immediately sucked in. I love being transported to such exotic locales, places that are so foreign and mysterious. Like the heart.

It features many of the great English actors, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Bill Nighy, and Tom Wilkinson. It is a story about life, love, loss, and hope. It will make you reflective, it will make you cry, it will make you laugh, but most importantly it will remind you that it ain’t over till it’s over! I'm playing my movie critic card here and highly recommending this movie if you haven't seen it. If there is the slightest hole in your heart, you will leave with it filled with a whole lot of hope and a renewed sense of what's possible.

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BREATHE IN LOVE

Quoting Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Buddhist monk, “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

We all know that this isn’t the easiest of assignments. But, the way we feel about ourselves affects every other decision we make and determines the quality of our relationships, our work, our today's and tomorrows.

Feeling worthy and lovable requires us to see ourselves with fresh eyes - those of acceptance, love, and respect.  And these things can only come from within. But convincing ourselves of that doesn’t always come easy and is an ongoing process.

There are many ways in which we can begin to change our story, to view ourselves through a different lens. But we must take baby steps because if we are handed too big of a to-do-list, we can become overwhelmed and not do anything at all. So I thought instead of making one of those big lists (which I truly love to do, I’m a list gal) I’d give you one thing to try - this simple breathing technique which helps to fill us with love and release our negative thoughts and emotions. This is called the Inhale/Exhale Method, which I learned while attending The BTB Masters Training Program back in the 90’s to become a certified Feng Shui Practitioner.

1. Before you even get out of the bed in the morning and before you drift off to sleep at night, remind yourself that you are worthy and do this simple breathing technique.

METHOD:

1.  Inhale a long breath (through the nose)

2. Exhale through the mouth

3.  On the inhale, visualize clean, white, loving energy filling your body.

4.  On the exhale, visualize any negative thoughts and feelings leaving your body (you can visualize this breath as gray, turning to black on the last and longest breath of the exhale.

5. Repeat this nine times.

When you are done, envision yourself loved and surrounded by a warm bright light.

I hope you enjoy this. Next week I’ll send you another simple technique that you can add to your repertoire :)