You want to be right or you want to be happy?

I know many have said this, but I think the first time I heard it was years ago on the Dr. Phil show. There is plenty of his wise advice that I agree with, such as, if you didn’t get the love or support you needed as a child, give it to yourself now. Or, being from a broken home is better than living in one.

But the advice, do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?
I have a bit of an issue with this one. By asking this question, it is suggesting that in order to be happy we may be compromising our strong beliefs, our value systems, and our true essence.

I get that a lot of times ego gets in the way. That we think our own point of view is so important and superior that we must express it, and we fight for the listener to understand it.

Now, if this saying applies to simple things in life, like, I thought they used egg noodles in Chow Mein, and your partner is arguing that they use rice noodles, well, you just might want to drop the eye roll and let it go. It’s really not that important. And there are many of these of things that can come up on a daily basis, and it’s best to, as they say on the east coast, “Fuggetaboutit.” But, on the other hand, if it is something that really matters to you, that is a part of your belief system, a part of who you are, and you give in in order to keep the peace, then you are being dishonest to yourself. And you will find that the more you do this, the more it will begin to eat at you.

So, do you want to be someone other than you are?
That is the question that you need to weigh carefully. True health can’t be ours if we are living a lie, if we are not speaking our truth so as not to rock the boat. Because once we start giving in, little by little, letting go for the sake of argument, letting go so that someone else can be right, eventually we will no longer be right or happy.

(Need some help finding your voice? Standing up for yourself? Knowing your worth? Being true to yourself, no apologies necessary? Oh girl, then I've got a program for you!)

Don't Quote Me

There's nothing like a good quote to fill you with a sense of self-worth, empowerment, and a feeling that all is right with the world, even if only momentarily. Facebook has become flooded with feel-good quotes, posted and dished out to lift our spirits and make us better people. The problem with these quotes or just about any other good intention is that after we have read them or set them, we don't necessarily live them, when what we need to do is take that quote and turn it into a life-changing lesson. They need to have more of an impact and get more recognition than a quick, Oh that is so true- earning their place on a coffee mug or getting pinned on the "great quotes" board on Pinterest. We need to have them on display somewhere, on a mirror, on our forehead, written like a college kid cheat sheet in the palm of our hands, transcribed on our soul. I guess similar to prayer, cutting back on calories and brushing our teeth, we can't just do it once and think it will make a difference. Life requires a whole lot of repetition. They say that we learn from our mistakes, our challenges, and our sorrows. That when things are going along swimmingly we’re not learning much, except I guess, how good life can be. So in reality, if we want to learn, to grow, to gain a boatload of wisdom, we should be welcoming any challenge that comes our way. In fact, sending out an open invitation to Mr. and Mrs. Trials and Tribulations, putting out the welcome mat and changing the sheets in the guest room. I don't know about you, but I do prefer the "life can be good" lesson plan. But it seems it doesn't work that way and we need to get that well-rounded education. And some lessons you just don't get at all. You have to take the class over and over again, maybe try a different school, a different professor, and even then there is no guarantee you will pass. These lyrics from Kenny Loggins sum it up nicely. Some lessons are forever Never need to change Write and the word is written Then we turn the page But some lessons take forever time and time again Caught in a battle that you can't surrender And you never win    When I saw the quote below I had to share it with you. It made me laugh. And in fact, it encourages me to get out there, lose any fear around failure, and learn some more. Visit me at wabisabiwomen.com

Snap out of it!

“Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself.” ~ Lululemon

Can you imagine what your life would be like if you valued yourself, believed in your worth? I’m talking, really and sincerely liking yourself?

I look back on the years of my life and can see how much my self-doubt, self-consciousness, low-self esteem has kept me from living a fully realized life. What a shame. The things that we worry about, even though to us they are very real and valid, are usually minor in the big picture.

Are you feeling you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, perfect enough? Yeah, I know. Those things haunt me at times, too. But it’s a waste of time, and more importantly, it’s not true! You are perfectly imperfect just as you are.

You have been saying these things to yourself for years, or someone else has been doing the dirty work and it takes time to unlearn what we have taken on as truth.

One way to start turning this around is to practice the negativity diet. Anytime you hear that voice in your head saying something negative to you, immediately state it back to yourself in the positive. Meaning, if you hear, “You’re not going to get this job, you’re not smart enough, or you’re too old, you’re not pretty enough, or you can fill in the blank, STOP and rephrase that negative. “I am exactly right for this job.” I am good enough. I am more than enough.

The key is consistency. Put a wristband on your wrist if it helps and when you find yourself engaging in self-criticism, give it a good snap. And if that criticism is coming from other people, it is time to distance yourself from them. Even if it’s family, you can love them from a distance. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, who inspire and motivate you. Life and your world will become a much more beautiful place.